20 Something Rants: I'm Tired of Catching Feelings

I often battle with the lyrics: "I will always love you" and "I don't want to be loved, I don't want to be loved" Shout out to Whitney and Miguel for the lyrics. Two different songs with two completely different meanings.  They each represent themes of why I'm tired of catching feelings.
I must be crazy when I sit here and think to myself it's easy to not like people. I'd rather chat with my best friend about all the things we want out of a relationship but, never seem to get. It's easier to like someone and take it to the grave than to ever act on it. Why? Because entering into the world of dating is an annoying rat race and these scenarios below are all the more reasons why I'm tired of being in my feels.

Scenario 1: Wait on guy...it ends badly

You like me and do everything right in your power to work towards being an item and then eventually you fall off.  It seems like you run out of fear of being with one person or whatever it was, was not clear. Dammit, it's okay because no one in their right mind in 2017 at the age of 21 is trying to marry you. 
To compensate for your confusing behavior, you make an excuse for why you no longer want to connect with me.  It clearly seems you're in your sunken place. As a woman whose feelings are hurt, I'm not trying to pull you out. You've wasted my time.

I spent too many wine nights with my girls trying to figure out, is it me or... (*insert shrugged shoulder here*)
Scenario 2: Take Initiative...Ends Badly
I step up and take the initiative because normally I don't. I normally don't care to shoot the first hello or engage in conversation by being the "chaser/ hunter". It's fun moving like one but, in this stage shockingly I've come to the realization it's just not my cup of tea.  Although I know what I want, if he wants me back, he should be willing to chase me half way.

Scenario 3: Wait on love...Gets Bored 
Can't hurry love...no you just have to wait! But I'm tired of waiting....Nah I'm beyond tired I'M BORED. To be honest I'm tired of watching those love films too, like Love Jones and Love and Basketball cause ain't nothing but Lust Jones and Lust Balls floating around in reality. In fact, it's starting to make me feel irrational and act out of the ordinary simply because I'm battling with my morale. Like girl, you should just chill but... the summer's hitting and you don't want to be a nervous Betty when "that one" approaches.  

Scenario 4: The old school theory...

When it comes to dating people often tell me I'm old school and old fashion. Oh, and my all time favorite "a special woman who is well past my years". Which in return is why people feel I struggle with catching feelings and being vulnerable because I don't choose to play the game. I could be out here breaking hearts and playing the field, you know enjoying myself but I'm waiting.  Sometimes waiting can get you hurt.

The worst part of catching feelings is sleeping with a broken heart. Having a broken heart is the worst part of a catch because no one wants to get the short end of the stick.

And it leaves me to only think two things.

I'm damned if I do catch feelings and I'm damned if I don't. Might as well have fun in the maze. - Words from a confused person