Nola Darling Taught Me...

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ENTER: Bobby Womack’s 1972 song: A Woman’s Gotta Have It 

A woman's got to have it, I believe
She's got to know that she's needed around
When you kiss her, you got to make her feel it, every time, boy
She's got to know that she's not walking on shaky ground

A gem indeed. If you can’t tell by the lyrics just know Bobby is explaining why she’s gotta have it. 

ENTER: Spike Lee’s 2017 Series She’s Gotta Have It 31 years later. My pearls are hanging snatched from my neck because I clutched them too. damn. Hard. Just as the 1986 film, the series explores the life of Nola Darling but reveals deeper in the labels of sexuality, Gazes of Black men and women oh and the sands of time. I thought about this carefully that I found myself lying in the middle of a Netflix binge trying to understand the 100+ messages that were thrown at me. Hence, this is exactly why I have taken my time to draft up an article on the netflix series. However, the time has come to get real on the lessons taught in this series. With that said I am introducing Nola Taught Me…
The Difference Between Boys And Men Are The Lessons They Learn - Kid, Biker Boyz
Did sis really just use a Biker Boyz quote? Yes, I did. In fact, I love the movie. The key thing to take away here is:

The Difference Between Girl and Women are the lessons they learn - Charli

So when watching Nola Darling in all of her essence in the show I realized a few things.
These n*ggas only want one thing - Daddy Charles

When I was a little girl, I learned a few things of sexualilty and sex as a Black girl:
  • A man who is interested will put in the work!
  • Keep your legs closed, no one is worthy!
  • Did I say the only thing open past 11 pm is some legs?
Now on to the show: 

Welp, for those who did not enjoy the show I have news for you,  I am the complete opposite. 


Personally, I felt there were many lessons, artistic platforms, imagery and songs used to examine the stories presented through the world of Nola. I believe that no matter how much people felt the women story lines lagged or were wack, subjecting Black women to Instagram models and such the show provides so much more quality lessons. 

Yes, I think the exploration of Queer identities needs a stronger approach. This is because it is Nola's most concrete relationship. I say that in terms of how Opal genuinely cares for her. I think that Nola’s phase of exploration is a cover up for what she really wants and what she fears: COMMITMENT. 

I think that Nola is playing the game because she simply can’t find something that fulfills her experience of dating. I think that her character allows us as women, Black women in particular to rewrite everything we ever understood or could commit to in our understanding of sexuality. Nevertheless these are the lessons I’ve learned from Nola:

1. Stay in control of your loving bed.
Don't let a lover make you feel like a prisoner in your own bed. If they do, you probably shouldn't be sleeping with them.

    2. It’s okay for you to experience the phase of exploration! 
Go out and find what you like and want by experiencing people. Experiencing people is not limited to sex and d*ck appointments for those of you in the back.
3. On that note it’s okay for you as a Black women to want D*ck!
I say this because as Black women we are oversexualized and negatively stigmatize for wanting to pursue our sexuality. 

    4. Sex comes with emotions and even if you move like a fake ass savage you have feelings too. #AWORD
If something feels good to you, if it pleasures you , if you like it these are emotions. These emotions are associated with the people we choose to keep around.

    5. Labels are simply labels and society is full of sh*t. 

    6. "Talking phases" and dating is full of sh*t too. 
F*ck a "we talk" my n*gga I want to HEAR your heart beat. #HOLLAIFYAHEARME

    7. Even when we don’t feel pressured by our society we subconsciously are!

    8. Take a break from soul searching and find yourself ! 
If you do love may end up finding you. 

     9. Be the milker not the milk!

    10. Yes. Someone can love you even if you’re BROKE.   
  MONEY is an important factor in relationships.

    11. Being attractive is a privilege! #AWORD

    12. Be straight up with anything you want in life!

    13.  Do you want me? Do you want him? Cause I want you!  BILAL CAN YOU PUSH THROUGH ONCE MORE WITH THE PRINCE PERFORMANCE? 

    14. Consistency is key and if someone is not persistent they probably are not pursuing the right thing. 
Silly Rabbit, tricks* are for kids.


   16. Love is important but, sometimes it can blind you from your true needs.  

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 17. Lust expires. 
   It’s exciting to be in love and interconnected with another soul. However, if this is the type of love you want know that this connection is not lust! Lust is a temporarily fulfillment,   a temporary tease of L.O.V.E. Lust is fake love. #AWORD 
If love is what you desire seek self love FIRST

  18. Being broke is TEMPORARY!

No one has time to deal with your ass loosing sleep over someone whose does NOT care about your health and your well being. You baby deserve the best and anything less is an insult to your Queendom! 

When Nola went to Jail for stepping in for Papo my heart cried. I saw it as a Black woman coming to the rescue of a Black man  whose life stood at the fate of officers with guns. Black women always come to the forefront for our Black men!

21. While you decide to worship living in New York City remember that there are people living there who want to get out. Remember there are people living there who want their neighborhoods to stick to their roots. The Black roots that are being erased by gentrification. #RESPECTTHETRUTH 

Shout out to the artist Tatyana Fazlalizedeh! She is the artist behind Nola's masterpieces in the show. Fazlalizedeh pieces constantly remind me that art is love and art is political. #ALLFORMS 

I honestly felt like binge watching this series killed my spirit to write separate posts for each of the episodes. This is because they were soooo good. I ended up talking it out, texting finding common themes etc.  As much as I've elaborated on reviews of Insecure, I feel like I committed more time to writing about such episodes because I didn't have access to the whole damn season. I will admit every episode of this She's Gotta Have It deserves a run down and I will do better. I'm off to re-watch the show! I hope to gain more insight!