Cousins, Aunts, and Grandma Stop Telling Me I Need To Have A Child !


I went to a family gathering on my Moms side a few months ago on my visit home and it was full of some good conversations, reconnections and jokes.

You know how it is when the family gathers, it’s an evening of cutting ass, a game of the dozen, spades (which I still don’t know how to play) and some good old school music. There’s always laughs, especially when the women of my family can get together. I’m often all ears to hear stories about my aunts exes, past mistakes, current mistakes and what songs got them through their worst heartbeak.

Speaking of women, my sister and I are among the oldest of the girls on my mother’s side. We’re also the cousins who are not dating, in other words singleasf and focused on building our careers. To think of it, our family has never seen us with a man, talk about a man (other than our celebrity crushes) nor verbally express our dating adventures. That’s because to be honest it’s not necessary and somethings can be kept to ourselves. It’s not to keep secrets I suppose but it’s not like I’ve met the looooooooove of my life. I’m more concerned with building my cushion,  I know dammmmmmn welllllll the same can be said for my sister.

So, because of this we often get hit with questions like:

You gotta man?


I know my baby ain’t having sex. Are you? - The question that is really not a question but a statement. 

Your hips are spreading, tell me what’s going on?

And my all time pet peeve of all pet peeves question:

Hey, uhmm when are you having kids? Your parents need some grandchildren. 


Now, this question is often asked by an older aunt and grandmother who is eager to see you pop out a child before their coochie hairs turn grey. Yeah, I said it. We’re all future old.

When I first received the question I was 18 years old and fresh outta  high school on my way to college. The only comeback I had for a  question like this is: What are these kids you speak of?


In the back of my head I’m like:

I just reached fake ass adulthood, Is my existence on being grown dependent upon me popping out a child?

Is this really a serious question?

I can barely afford my student textbooks. Hell, I can barely afford my damn self what do I need with a baby?

It’s like this question is often asked without giving an assessment to the current state of our family, the desire to break cycles and be invested in growth. Is it wrong for me to selfish? I’m not saying that I would never have children but, NOW is not the time Thelma.

The most irritating thing to me is these expectations being pressed on those younger than me. For instance, my baby cousin had the nerrrrrrrrrve to hit me with the same damn question. I almost wanted to throw her.


However, I kindly expressed that now is not my time nor my focus and it’s okay if I want to wait to have children. When the universe decides to plant me at the right time with a seed, I will have one. I can only hope that this child will come when I am healthy, financially stable  and able to provide it with a lifestyle very different from the lifestyle I was raised in!

I can’t put a time on when that will happen but I’m damn sure not in a rush to have a  bun in the oven anytime soon. Furthermore I would appreciate if my Black ass stops getting this question because it’s not going to make me want to have a child any sooner than it will make me want to read my fam for irking my nerves.