Insecure S3 E1 Teaches Me: You Can't Be BROKEn and Dating


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I look forward to watching Insecure like the days I was thirsty to watch reruns of Living Single before I headed off to Kindergarten.

I’m so grateful Issa Rae can put on a show that real lives can realize and relate to.

And so I begin…

Insecure season 3 started with the body of a Chocolate God penetrating the flower of another Chocolate Goddess...who we thought to be Issa.

As Issa lays on Daniels couch she appears increasingly uncomfortable by the sounds of success (just be good to me) and she escapes to do her part-time job as a lyft driver.

Her full-time job at ‘We Got Y'all’ is not only inadequately supporting her financially but her position is treading on thin ice. Issa’s boss is not fond of her“ overstepping her boundaries” seeking to find solutions to the disconnect between her jobs services and the school district. How many of us have been hit with that line as we’re doing everything it seems to make the crinkles in our work positions run smooth?

Yeah me too. 

Balancing her mixed feelings for Daniel she wants Daniel but doesn’t want Daniel like that. She doesn’t want a committed relationship but she wants committed emotions. Issa's love life  reminds me of the lines of an S.O.S Band song “I don’t care what you do to them, just be good to me”.

In reality, Issa does care. She’s not having sex with Daniel but she needs his support and yearns for his compassion. This is true even if it’s not the same compassion delivered through passionate sex. She is masking her feelings for him by pretending she’s unbothered and puts on a mask every time she goes out to lyft. 

It’s like she’s in the position of needing an upgrade (the same upgrade she reminded Lawrence about), laying on a couch that signifies a need for change, a setback, and a step up that is nowhere near Daniel’s house THAT. IS. NOT. HER. HOME. 

A chair is still a chair though. 

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Issa chose to live with a fling but everything in her life but her is flinging. She has every excuse at the start of this season as to why she decided to live with Daniel but can’t convince herself which one is valid. She’s lacking transparency and it’s not so clear to the viewers why? 

Although she explains that no breaks in her life exist #NODAYSOFF, and she doesn’t have time to focus on much other than getting money and getting out of brokeland, her focus is blurry. Deep down she understands her liking for Daniel has grown, she, however,  is not in a mature state to face it.  The party is boring and the bag is dryyyyyyyy. Instead of driving around town in her lyft she rather live with Daniel without his other women present.

That’s apparent the moment she tells Daniel she’s feeling him and expects him to be more courteous to her feelings by staying for a little while *cues in the Jodeci*. Okay, she didn't say that verbally but it showed in her face. When Issa told Daniel “I really need someone like that in my life right now” I flipped!!!! I also flipped when Issa said that Daniel was sleeping with other women as if they don’t have history, because if she just wants a friendship why does it matter?!

If this is about respect then that should have been expressed clearly. If Daniel respected her presence, her existence and the HISTORY they’ve shared he wouldn’t act like Issa is the help is on his couch and disregard her presence to get his groove on. I can’t help but feel like certain parts of this episode was giving Issa emotional KARMA for what happened between her and Lawrence.

On the other hand this season we have Molly, “dating”, blocking opportunities, and trying to take charge in her life by setting some boundaries so that she can have more clarity and control in her situationships. At least she doesn’t have financial issues. 

Unfortunately, Dro can’t seem to get in line completely with the boundaries set by Molly. 

She’s still sexually active with Dro who constantly reminds her of the place she has in his life as a position of pleasure. She views him the same, but there’s one issue they have- history. BIG TIME HISTORY, the type of history where he can read her vulnerability, he knows her inside and out just like the pages in his favorite novel. That same novel where he plays with her like a doll and places her back on the shelf until next time.  Molly is now trying to use those same tactics with all the men in her playbook. Dro and her f*ck with each other heavy but not heavy enough to lose the weight that’s draining them both down. I don’t think they can ever be able to fulfill each other. That’s because Dro is committed to someone else and Molly deep down wants just one man to be with. Molly can acknowledge that she’s invested in a man who can only be there when he wants to be there on his time. It bothers her because she doesn’t have the same accessibility. 

Molly is tired of the elephant in the room. Did y’all peep the side eye she gave when Candice called? 

 It almost seems like Dro is the facade of a man whose image of "security" is what she desires, who comfort she adores but it is not something she permanently has a grasp on. For Dro open marriage or not he reminds Molly of his alliance to his wife “don’t talk about what me and my wife do”. It’s a dagger in Molly’s heart because she doesn’t want to share and spread her self in sh*t. The problem is she’s already deep in do-do-do-do. 

From this episode, I was intrigued by the how each of the characters struggles with identifying their desires and needs with the person they want. Hear me out. Although Molly eventually expressed to Dro her needs and Issa tried to get out her feelings to Daniel, it’s the physical interactions they’ve had with their partners that have left them all confused. Of all the confusion spread around in this episode the biggest issue I find comes from Issa who confusion I feel is shedding light on her truth.

That truth is that Issa needs repairing and it doesn’t start with Daniel. I get that she’s already been vulnerable to him in the most naked and intimate way you can be with someone in the physical form. However, the emotional fulfillment she needs starts outside of Daniel’s house and inside her soul. 

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It’s possible to like being with someone, to physically like someone, the way a person makes you feel and how they comfort you. It’s also possible that you both can be on different wavelengths. Either this means one of you likes each other in a way that the other cannot or is not prepared to support the other individual. This can also mean that you can be emotionally attached to someone and not be physically committed to sex because you know you’re not ready to deal with the investment that comes with soul sharing. I. SAID. WHAT. I. SAID.

Then, there are those who can get theirs and suppress their emotions for the sake of not wanting to rob themselves of the mirage of lust for something that people think is deeper. A FEW WORDS. 

The reality for Issa is that she’s not in place to bounce back with clarity because she’s around a distraction. It’s a distraction she created because she possibility could have had Daniel if she still wasn’t so damn confused last season, trying to place him in the friend zone. She unfortunately, has made the bed she’s laying in. Although I don’t think she should subject herself to the f*ckery any longer. 

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She reminds me of the little school girl who shared an intimate moment with a boy she liked and it triggers her to see him put the same grin of joy on other women faces. And as far as Daniel is concerned he’s just playing the game. I’m sure he cares for Issa to let her ass stay on a couch in Los Angeles, with high ass rent FOR FREE. I’m also very sure he doesn’t see a purpose in being emotionally available in the way she desires because their wavelengths are off. 

Issa is broke and confused. Her money is funny and she’s not satisfied where she wants to be in here life right now. My go to saying is you can be broke but not broke(n) but in this case I seriously think Issa just needs to get out of needing support from a man and getting into her bag. It's okay to want  love and support  The support Issa looking for is outside of the house, inside her soul and next to a beloved bestie who is focused on nurturing her own healing. 

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Hey, the show wouldn’t be titled Insecure without showcasing the flaws of its characters. 

2 comments:

  1. Well said. Dro was very annoying to me in this episode! Especially the part where he felt entitled to have the keys to Molly's house lol. What's up with that?!

    Dude I know you're married and might be the man of your household with Candice, but that doesn't mean that you're The Man at Molly's place. Boy bye!

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    1. You said a freaking word!!!!! I'm surprised I haven't seen him since the first episode aired lol.

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