4 Thoughts On Dating In Brokeland

Media:  GIPHY

Media: GIPHY

Money and financial stability are essential factors in relationships. It's not because a healthy relationship depends on wealth, but that the individual practices and financial stability surrounding a relationship can make or break a union. Here are some significant findings that support this: 

-35% of Americans named money as the number one issue in relationships. 

-In 2 out of every five couples, someone lies about money. 

-75% of Married people surveyed about money and relationships said that financial deception had hurt their marriage.

Financial hardships or the fear of dealing with a "Broke" partner is A VERY REAL THING, hell even the music we consume tells us this.   How many lyrics do you know alluding to the idea "baby if you're Broke I'll still love you anyway"? 

Media:  GIPHY

Media: GIPHY

Lyrics surrounding brokness share the theme "if you 'don't got no money take your broke ass home."

After listening to my playlist, which is full of braggadocio raps old school love ballads, I observed, they each have a common theme. When it comes to money in relationships: "nobody wants you when 'you're down and out." (You know I had to do it one time for Bobby Womack.) 

Truth is when you ask someone what do they look for in a relationship, people 'don't say:  "I aspire to have a partner that is financially struggling." That is because although we realize that financial struggles exist, we prefer to have financially stable partners. Here are some lyrics that relate to this preference: 

  • “If you’re ass a broke n****, hell nah, I can't meet ya!”

  • “Better to have money and not to need it; Than to need it and not to have it!”

  • “I don't fuck with broke b*****.”

  • “Cash rules everything around me!”

  • “If you a broke boy, stay the fuck out my way.”

  • “She’s always complaining about me never being at home, but when I’m there I’m broke”. 

  • “ Uh, a n**** never been as broken as me.”

  • “Yeah, you know I been low before.”

As these lyrics suggest, it’s not that we can’t maneuver being in relationships where hardships exist, but when financial difficulties are in your world, some hard truths need to be faced about being broke and dating. 

1. Being broke and dating can be tricky. 

Dating is a transaction. It’s a transaction because we as humans yearn for companionship and our energy transfers in our physical, mental, and emotional spaces. Companionships transpire in many ways, through friendships, mentorships, and romantic interests. Stability is vital no matter the relationship, and what stability looks like varies from person to person. When you’re broke your pockets are not stable, and so you have to think critically about your money moves and where you spend your time and energy. I’m not going to say money is not everything, but like you have a role to play in your relationships, so does your financial wellness. Being in a relationship is mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing; your pockets are not exempt from being charged. 

2. If you’re insecure about your pockets, then you probably should be building your security instead of dating and being insecure.

 said what I said, and I’m not taking it back. Now you may not be insecure about your pockets, and that’s okay. For those who are it’s important to know that your worth is not determined by what’s in your wallet. That’s maybe hard to believe when society emphasizes the importance of money how it can be considered taboo to talk about it. If you’re are deeply insecure about your pockets, and you are functioning in a relationship, you may have to take time for yourself to build. In the words of Amanda Seales:

  •  If you’re broke and can be a good partner there are so many more options than doing grandiose things that are monetarily based.

  • Care weighs much more than how much money someone has.

  • If you are dating someone who is unhappy about their Brokenness, or feel that they are less because of it...guess what? They ain't going to be much for you.” 

   3.   You have to be creative if you are broke and dating.

When you are broke, you are creative! You have to be creative because you are strategic about where you spend your money and how you get your experiences for less. When people say the idiom you got to learn to make something out of nothing, they had to have a broke person in mind because laaaaaaaaawd it’s the truth. Here’s when the creative juices are essential:

Date Night: If you can’t afford to eat out, I hope you know how to cook a good meal! Quality time can be a great date that’s if you understand the meaning of quality time outside of sex. 

  • Sip and Paint  

  • Vision Board Date Night 

  • Dinner-Date Night In 

  • Walk a nature trail and conclude with an outdoor meal of your choice (Damn I must love food)    

Gifts: Gifting doesn’t have to be expensive. Let’s be real who doesn’t want to cute glifs? When you’re busting a bag for gifts and your pocket is busting holes, you may want to reconsider how you gift. Here are some gift alternatives: 

  • A self-care basket 

  • Bath Bombs

  • Homemade Sugar Scrub 

  • Homemade bubble bath

  • Snack bouquet 

(and no you don’t have to be cheap) 

 4. You may want not want to date until you get yourself together.

Remember earlier I talked about transactions, well those physical, emotional and mental energies that you transfer in a relationship begin with the investments you make with yourself. If you’re not investing in yourself  and your finances are wacky-wack-wack you may want to take a step-back-back-back and back that ass up into reevaluating your bag. 

Number 4 is my favorite! Yes, I know some broke people love hard and durable in healthy relationships. I think that if you're uncomfortable with your money, and it is taking a toll on your love life its time you focus on your damn self and mind the business that pays you. Hey, you may find a person that helps you blossom out of brokeland together. But, as an old head once taught me: “A Wet Pussy And A Dry Purse Don't Match!” Initially, this saying focuses on the superficial concept that if a woman is opening up her legs to a man, he needs to be paying for something. We can talk about the original definition at another time. For this article, I think it’s essential to understand how it connects to the idea that broke pussy and dick don’t pay the bills. And so once again if your bag bothers you soooooooooooo much sooooooo much things you cannot say then, you need to tap into building your stability and out of being pressed for a relationship.

Media: GIPHY

Media: GIPHY

Number 4 is my favorite! Yes, I know some broke people love hard and durable in healthy relationships. I think that if you're uncomfortable with your money, and it is taking a toll on your love life its time you focus on your damn self and mind the business that pays you. Hey, you may find a person that helps you blossom out of brokeland together. But, as an old head once taught me: “A Wet Pussy And A Dry Purse Don't Match!”

Initially, this saying focuses on the superficial concept that if a woman is opening up her legs to a man, he needs to be paying for something. We can talk about the original definition at another time. For this article, I think it’s essential to understand how it connects to the idea that broke pussy and dick don’t pay the bills. And so once again if your bag bothers you soooooooooooo much sooooooo much things you cannot say then, you need to tap into building your stability and out of being pressed for a relationship.