A Letter for the 20 Something Year Old Woman Whose Never Been In A Relationship

They might have told you that by this age you would have had a man. He would come into your life and sweep you off your feet, treating you like the queen you've deserved to be. For some odd reason, it has not happened yet for you.

In grade school, you may have had a crush. In middle school, you may have been the ugly duckling. Better yet, maybe you were just a young woman developing and coming into her own.

You probably never even had a first kiss.

When it's time for those late night girl chats the only thing you can chat about is what you wish you could have and what you know you want.

You're not a "weird" woman for whatever the hell being weird may mean to why you're not in a relationship.

You being a pretty woman, or in this day in age, a "bad ass bi*ch has nothing to do with why you're still single.

Your religious or personal values have nothing to do with it.

Your personality has nothing to do with it because you're pretty damn popping.

Your focus has nothing to do with it because you've met multiple people who are driven and have a bae.

The generation we live in has nothing to do with the reason why you're still single.

I'm lying my ass off. You being single has everything to do with the former.

It's more common than we think, for women like us to be single and never have experienced a relationship. It could be all of the reasons I've listed above or just because you're really not interested in finding a mate.

If you're anything like me, it wasn't helpful to grow up on the beautiful coming of age films like 

The Wood


Love & Basketball

, and my good old favorite

Brown Sugar

that in such fraud ways depicted what our loves life would be like.Yes, I'm well aware these movies are fictional, but who said that fictional movies can't give you hope?




It can be weird and uncomfortable to float through your 20's without certain experiences, one of them neva, eva, evea, evea (Smokey voice) being in a relationship.

If you're an old school romantic, it's a special kind of hell in the hook-up generation. But, do you want to know what's worse than that? Being the woman who feels the need to force a relationship because it hasn't happened yet.



You just have to wait...it's a game of give and take.

I get it, it's a feeling of feeling you're missing out on something that's is a part of womanhood, so they say. It's a feeling of wanting to slide into someone's DMs and play a game knowing you might not be happy with the results. It's a feeling of being confused, wanting to interact and engage, but at the same time not wanting to be bothered because we can't trust this generation. It's a feeling of being tempted by the stories of other people. It's a feeling of just wanting to do bad by your damn self. It's a feeling to remember:

1. Focus on yourself 

You cannot give and take if you ain't right within. Take this time to get to know you and understand yourself better, as much as we think we know ourselves, we don't.

2. Yield not to others temptations 

You are not them, they are not you so STOP comparing your experiences to theirs

3. Late bloomers are late but they bloom

Plain and simple!

4. You can't miss something you never had, but you can miss the opportunities you never take 

If you want to get out there and date don't fear it, but don't rush it What's meant for you will come to you.

5. Don't think about it too much

Dammit, lady, it's not that deep! Maybe the 90s love songs got you stuck on love, but you won't be there forever.

And lastly,

Know that you being a woman is not defined by having a significant other. It's not defined by our late blooms, but our confidence in ourselves through life's journey, and knowing that just because it has never been doesn't mean it'll never happen.