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On Love & Ish

Black Conscious

Living Broke Black Bougie For The Holiday In Yoins

Black Friday and Cyber Monday are right around the corner and guess what? My friends at Yoins wanted me to let you all know that they’ve got you covered. Here’s why you don’t want to miss out on Yoins Black Friday and Cyber Monday: Besides having the latest stylish women tops online Yoins is budget friendly!
  • Good for your wallet
  • Good for your budget
  • Good quality clothes for your style #BROKEBLACKBOUGIEAPPROVES

It’s getting cold ass hell outside, but baby just because it’s cold outside does not mean you can’t slay the season. Just check out these fashion co ord outfits for women they will prove you can slay and save! Peep these cute fits below:

Red Off Shoulder Crop Top & Wide Leg Pant Two Piece Outfits

Black Two Piece Outfit with Cut Out Details

Active Cut Out Zip Design Elastic Tracksuit in Black
The great thing about shopping at Yoins is that they care about making your fashion affordable, high quality and most importantly clothes you look GREATTTTTTT IN! So spread your holiday dollars at Yoins and become a #YoinsBaby. Your pockets and body won't regret it! In fact you'll be owning every room you enter like: YES. BROKE. BLACK. BOUGIE. FLY.

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Be sure to follow YOINS on Instagram @yoinscollection and go like their Facebook page @yoinscollections.

* This post contain links and/or products are of affiliate/sponsored in conjunction with YOINS.

20 Something Rants: On Being Single Black Women

I thought my thoughts were going wild.

I was having dreams about who I would marry. Most importantly, how I wanted my future to look like as it pertained to being in love and having a relationship with a Black man.

I am a Black woman in professional schooling prepping for my career and hoping in the near future to settle down.

It seems the White women around me are fiancés, mothers or married. You know, living the "glamorous life".

After class last week, I was discussing with another fellow sista about dating in this stage in our lives. She asked me “girl, have you been dreaming or assessing when you’ll find the one”? I had to look at her like:

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And I’m also walking around expecting my prince to fall out of a bush somewhere randomly as I walk to class.

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We went back and forth sharing the similar feelings and emotions about relationships.

About how we want to love but the most important thing is being in a position to love ourselves first.

We talked about the stories we want to share with our future significant others without judgement or "perfect" expectations.

The stories about how dating, "talking", and exploration have become a game of people ending up as pawns instead of being checkmate.

That at times we need to check our own energies in order to understand the energy of the type of people we are attracting.

One of the most important things we discussed was that we allow ourselves to suffer when we cross paths with a new human who has potential.

We find ourselves dreaming of where shit could go, filling them out, day dreaming that this is it only to realize that they are just not into our journey or right for our spirit.

Only to realize that everyone we like or vibe with is not compatible for us and that is completely okay.

As sis and I were chattingggggggggggg we came to the conclusion that we are living in a different time of accessibility, curiosity and commitment.

We often compare this day and age to what is was like living back in the day. Yet, we forget that our lustful love for 90s music and "old school love" so to speak had its own set of challenges and issues among its time.

Nevertheless we are in a different space and world that seems too unfamiliar but it is so familiar that we understand the struggle of being Single Black Women.

How we want to be in a relationship that’s not solely based on sexual interest or the likes of a social media feed.

How it is NOT shallow for a woman to want to date a man who is attractive and has his priorities in order.

How we want to be able to share and explain our lives, life experiences without having someone who is negative and judgemental or always compares the women of his past to the women of his present.

How we are tired of building men who want to remain broken by perpetuating the all “b*tches ain’t shit mentality  and limiting all that we are to just being females”. And. Speaking. On. Tired.

We’re tired of the niggas who use female as an insult…(yeah I went there)
We’re tired of the 30+ year old men who prey on young women who they presume to be ‘broken’.
We’re tired of the bad DM traffic.
We’re tired of the men who don’t have their sh*t in order and approach you at your doorstep expecting miracles to arrive. But, the gag is the miracle isn’t anything substantial but subjective to just the physical attraction of your body.  
We’re tired of bad leads and tired of being tired and waiting on what seems like false dreams.
We’re tired of the niggas who say they’ll return your call and are interested in getting to know you...but really don’t have the attention span to remain focused.
We’re tired of the men who expect you to chase them. I’m sorry, but if we’re running a marathon together CAN. YOU. PICK. UP. YOUR. DAMN. FEET?
We’re tired of the good guys who expect to get in the cookie jar just because they’re sweet.
We’re  tired of the men who have respect for “certain kind of women” but really don’t have have respect for any.
We’re tired of the niggas who are soooooooooooo fione but have nothing to converse about besides sending numerous WYD? texts and laying empty kisses that taste like molded sardines.
We’re tired of the niggas who don’t have any respect for Black women but their mom and Grandma. You know who you are.
We're tired of asking our Black men "YA'LL DON'T GOT LOVE FOR BLACK WOMEN?" like Snoop Dogg when he had pressed the East Coast at the 1995 Source Awards.
We’re tired of the niggas who are afraid to say I️ don't know what I️ want.
We’re tired of the niggas who seek "p*ssy" for clout.
We’re tired of the niggas who act like they’re hot sh*t but the forget the women who put in the time and energy to help them shape up.
We’re tired of the men who ask questions like why are you single? And are you crazy?
As if anything so precious is not suppose to be crazy about one of the strongest, fragile muscular organs in her damn body.

I could go on…

Yet I won’t. The conversation between us resulted in a few lessons of what we actually want. And more importantly, what I want. I want:
Someone who understands that I️ look good but, I️ got a testimony and the glory that comes with it is not for those with faint ears and inconsistent interest.

Someone who understands that  if you’re interested you’ll work for it as I’ll do the same! You’ll  show interest and stand eager to know someone beyond lust and surface level sh*t.

Something that I don’t ever have to second guess the intentions, progress, or where I am going in time.

You’ll seek me because you want me not because you are bored and tired of being alone (Al-Green voice).

You’ll create creative questions to get to know me, you’ll focus on friendship that builds towards something greater. And. If. You. Are. A. F*ckboy. You’ll. Be. Real. Enough. To. Address.It.  And. Understand. That. I. Will. Not. Waste. My. Time. With. You.

I am nowhere near perfect, but, I am damn sure no where near broken. And with that being said I refuse to look for angels in a world of people who are unattached and just getting to understand themselves.

I rather be compatible with my damn self before bringing another person in my life.

Overall, throughout my discussion with her some soulful experiences occurred. Of course, they were all associated with love songs.

There were four messages that came to my mind from our discussion relating to the Aretha Franklin songs Angel and That’s Life.

The first deals with finding a soulmate the urgency to find an Angel ( a person of interest to love, fly away with and set your spirit free):

Too long have I loved so unattached within
So much that I know that I need somebody so
So I'll just go on hoping that I find me someone
Gotta find me an angel in my life

The second deals with finding misery within dating, rather than finding and preparing ourselves for the best experiences that have yet to come. We want nothing more than to love someone but yet the biggest love is to love ourselves. This love comes with patience.

Αnd there's no misery ooh like the misery I feel in me
Gotta find me an angel...In my life

The third refers to the roles we’ve played and the experiences we’ve had in the game of life.

I've been a puppet, pauper, pirate
Poet, pawn and a queen
I’ve been up, I’ve been down
I’ve been over, I’ve been out
And I learned one thing
That every time I see myself, fallin’ flat on my face
This is what I do
Say get up girl, oh get up girl, oh get back in the race

And the fourth refers to growing up and feeling the urge to find someone, the basis of the conversation that led me here to write this post.

I gotta find me an angel in
In my life
(You'll meet him now don't you worry)
In my life
(Keep looking and just keep cooking)
In my life
(He'll be there, now don't you worry)
In my life

(Aww, the gender roles in this 1973 song.)

Anywho, I came to the conclusion that I am going to be alright. We are going to alright and as Black women the greatness we are is not subjected to what someone can or cannot see or who we have on our shoulder. Our greatness is not based on the shit We. Are. Tired. Of. but what we will put up with and what can dilute our shine. Our greatness is not about rushing to be cuffed and becoming tired...

Be tired and pressed for your growth!

But always remember,

Girl, f*ck it! Throw your ass in a circle and don’t let them shake your positive energy.

- A Word

...Hey Lover: Every Kiss Begins With Intimacy


I find intimacy at the most inappropriate appropriate times.

It almost catches me off guard.

In that moment is a reflection of the beauty I tend to see, in even the most flawed beautiful people.

I think that love is seeking to be sought and seeking to be honored.

I think that kisses are a reflection of soulful R&B lyrics intricately woven for the beat of our erogenous zones.

I think that this transferable energy called lust can become mistaken for something more.

Has your imagination ever ran wild when you kissed someone?

You got the wack kisses where you feel nothing.

You got the wack kisses where the person is breaking the flesh on your bottom lip.

You have okay kisses…

But somehow there’s those kiss that give you an outter body experience.

And that night I felt you.


Sometimes we get caught in moments.

Moments that we can’t possibly explain but, vibes we can feel.

These moments suddenly become memories.

We reflect on these memories as a mirror of a slight period in time that we wished could be extended for longer.

Sometimes we hope these feels last for an eternity. Sometimes, we desire to lay in these wavelengths, dive, swim and breathe.

Billie told us a kiss that is never tasted is forever and ever wasted.

I’ve kissed a few empty vessels before my ship sailed with you.

I felt a chemical reaction that my soul wasn’t used to and I fell for the softness of your touch and the taste of your being.

I fell for what in that moment felt right, was right, tasted right. Yet, it was wrong on all levels of intimacy of who, when and where I wanted to share this moment with.

And in at that point I knew I couldn’t take you with me.

I knew that our lust bubble would be nothing more than a “lit” moment.

Nothing more than an exchange of a slow wine, social media handles --- oh, and an intensive kiss that could shake any woman from being down to standing on her self-made mountain.

My imagination allows me to think it could be more than but, I’m not in the business of being fragile.

I like to think of myself as a creative lover, a person who loves hard and cares for people even through her own vulnerability.

I like to think of myself as someone who wants to chat and check-in, to get to know someone outside of "lustful ass circumstances" and into their inner being.

This tale, the first of its kind reminds me of all the other stories about where potentials and I never seem to began but end.


The stories about if I ever fall in love, you’d be more than just a face.

The stories about how this could all be so simple to you but, I rather make it hard.

The stories about how you can freak me right-- you will but, I want something that just doesn’t provide a minimal feels.

The stories about if we could talk for a minute it’ll be nice to know more than just your game.


Hopeless romantics are sometimes too hopeful for shit that shines in glitter.

Nothing like this has ever happened before to me. That may be hard to believe because I walk with pent-up aggression. I walk like a bully.

I walk with a status that says miss me with the bullshit, although I may slip a couple of times.

I walk knowing the game of chess


I want to know if This. Is. What. It. Feels. Like. to. Play. On. Your. Board

My two requests are simple I suppose and they are somewhere caught in between a Fantasia and SZA love song.

And then there’s that fucking imagination. That. Runs. Away. With. Me.

Respect that my imagination will run far and I will choose to not act on the potential distance of what could be because I get afraid of what lies in the future.

That uhmm: I like you soo much, I am afraid to speak.

I may be intimidated by your presence or what you can bring to the table.

I don’t want to engage to fall on my face or waste my time.

I simply don’t want to be blinded by fuck n*ggas who think they’re good just because their looks and material assets capture the attention of most lost souls

I don’t want to turn into a f*ck woman who thinks all n*ggas have ill intentions because the people I’ve am attracted tend to be people I don't need.

Not to talk around the subject at hand but I guess what I'm trying to say is: sometimes its just that we rely on memories that move our spirits.

I am still moved by that memory I shared with you.

On Waka Flaka And The Confused Black Identity


... O.K Waka

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What I am about to discuss It's going to be very intricate and sensitive matter because we're going talk about identity within the Black community. This is a touchy subject because we're talking about a systemic issue. It is a systemic issue because we are referring to the ways in which systemically identity, ethnicity and race has been understood within the Black community and how the perception and experiences shape the way we identify. As Kanye West once said " we are at war with ourselves".

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When I first heard about Waka Flocka and him not perceiving his self as Black, I thought it was problematic without even looking at the interview and then I decided to watched it.

I say this is problematic because from what I understand about BLACKNESS, WAKA IS A BLACK MAN. He's also a rapper and entrepreneur who whether or not he wants to refer to his body as a Black body he is living in one. He is being perceived as a Black body. He is walking through America and any country of that matter or continent and is a person with Black Brown skin. In living in his Black body as a Black man, he is susceptible to the stereotypes many Black men have to face. He holds BLACKNESS. So, with that being said coming into watching the interview I already held these ideas above as truth in what I understood as BLACKNESS. Waka’s interview brought up so many emotions associated with me last year as a woman who was struggling with understanding what it meant to be African-American versus Black versus African etc. More importantly, how these ethnic identifiers can serve as a form of identity and disunity. This can be problematic when trying to understand our history and where we come from, specifically pertaining to our connection to the continent of Africa and our direct ancestry linkage. There are a few things I want to note about his interview:

1. Waka was wearing a 'Black by popular demand' shirt .

2. In the beginning of the interview he openly use Black or Blackness as an ethnic identifier when discussing ‘Black don't crack’.

3. He quickly switched out Blackness for Aboriginal or Indigenous people when talking about how we as a community age beautifully.

But, the conversation took a left turn… When Waka was beginning to say "he can't connect with the term African-American..he don't know what that is.. he's not Black" I connected it to how so long Black folks have struggled with being able to have an ethnic identifier that encompasses their "Black ass identity" and their relationship to their original Homeland.

When Waka said he couldn't connect with the term (African-American) I thought it was going to be the argument of the identifier and how it's refers to the whole continent of Africa and him not understanding where in the hell in Africa can Black folks directly pinpoint their ancestry to? Where can we trace our lineage? Is it only then we can refer to ourselves as “African-American” or more specifically toward the country in which our ancestors derived: whether this be Nigerian-American, Ghanaian-American etc.? (Side note: Here's a really dope article that explains this concept.) That's not where this argument went.

Waka’s reasoning for not being African-American is because his grandmother and older ancestors of his family are 100% Indian. I don't find this to be alarming because in my life I've encountered many Black folks who have said that "they are a 100% this or that".

For instance Black folks who sound like this example below:

Sista Girl: Oh, I'm "Black, Irish and Asian.

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As it pertains to Waka, personally, I don't know his family ancestry make-up. However, I would say that there's no way in hell you can tell me that Waka Flaka is not Black.

Waka's "separation" from Blackness is a reminder of so many people who want to be anything other than a Black identity. Sometimes it to break away from the system and labels of the eurocentric world and sometimes it's to do away with Blackness all together. It's problematic because it's clear that Waka is going through an identity crisis. In the interview Waka noted "he is uneducated in his Blackness" as so many of us are.

Waka said:
“When it comes to talking about African Americans, I have no education with that. Period. I’m not even connected to that. That’s a system. That’s like connected to ‘Hey he’s a bad guy. Don’t hang with him.’ I’m not African American at all. My folks is not from Africa. A lot of people in this room’s folks not from Africa. Might be a couple. People just don’t understand. I ask my grandma, what’s your background? She like, ‘Red foot and Black toe Indian.’ Yeah, my mother and father, we’re 100 percent Indian.’ Ask my other grandma, we got Cherokee in us, European and Italian, a little Dominican. It’s crazy. Y’all looking at me funny like, ‘N*gga, I’m African. You’re not though. 80 percent of slaves was already here, was natives

“I’m other. I’m uneducated. So for me to sit here like a college professor, I’m wrong. I’m uneducated. I’m confused. But I’m damn sure not Black. You not going to call me Black. My grandmother is not Crayola. I’m connected to a tribe. I’m from a tribe, not a country. It’s a big difference. Different laws, different everything. Big difference.”
It’s clear that in the midst of this, someone, likely from Waka’s team taps Sway and probably told him to change the subject because homeboy was f*cking up.
But Waka circled back, “I don’t want to make n*ggas feel like I’m on some other sh*t because I’m saying I don’t want to connect with African Americans like I’m saying f*ck Black. It’s nothing like that. It’s that my eyelids is up. And when your eyelids is up, you read about everything you put in your mouth, you say out your mouth, you walk, you talk and conversate with. I don’t live for money everyday no more. I live for the truth.”

However, he knows that there's something more to this ethnic identifier of Blackness, this ethnic identifier of African-American, the goals of Africanism, and the negative perceptions that comes with being Black globally. But, in many ways he is wrong in his approach. For instance, Africa IS NOT A DAMN country. It is problematic for him to proceed with saying he is from a tribe that he's doing away with Blackness (as if his tribe does not derive from Africa in the first damn place). It is problematic for him as a Black man to this disregard his Blackness but also wear a shirt that promotes Black identities and does it for the culture. It is problematic for him to be able to assess systemic issues in his country and Universal hate for Blackness and still not perceive his self as a Black body. I say all this to say Blackness is not one "thing". You can be Black you can also be Latinx. You can be Black and you can be from Spain. You can be Black and you can be African (in fact you are, I shouldn't have to say this). Whether or not you want to identify with Blackness or Black identities, Black bodies are connected. They are connected through, to and from the Transatlantic Slave Trade. They are connected through oppression. They are connected through different boats stops, through different cultures, enslavement and experiences and through different forms of white supremacy influencing the plights of Black bodies and the struggles we face today. I didn't miss what Waka was trying to say in terms of him getting more education. I didn't miss the fact of in terms of us as a collective educating ourselves to become woke and in terms of us understanding “labels” that have been thrown against us by a White patriarchal society. But, his delivery was not all the way there. No matter what heights are walking, we have come to know no matter how much education we have, especially in terms of the eurocenritic perspective there is still more knowledge to seek. There is a need of corrections we must address. When we as brothers and sisters sit up and discuss foolery and problematic rhetoric damaging our community it always brings us back to disunity and confusion within the Black community as to what and who we truly are? My thoughts on this are simple: Waka is not the only Black body walking in this confusion. He is not the only Black body that needs correction or to connect with his goddamn Blackness and see the world for what it really is. He is not the only Black body who is thinking this way. With that said Waka's interview opens up the conversation for how do we as Black folks gain more education in terms of our truth? What books do we read? How do we define Blackness, or our "identiti-ness" for any matter (yes I made up a damn word)? Where do we find this meaning of self, without detaching from ourselves? How can we do it without detaching from our communities and not shutting out those who are trying to find their f*cking selves? 

It's not a one sided answer but a continual understanding of our history, and our current stage within Blackness and Whiteness. 

On the flip side: this ninja is tripping...

Chic & Cheap: Shop At YOINS

It’s always important to find stores that help us look chic and fly at a quarter of the price. As Broke Black Bougie women we want to look good, we want to rock the latest  trends and set the tone for how we should enter a room. With cold weather FASTLY approaching it’s important our layers are on point, covering us from the cold and successfully styling us without breaking our pockets. So, with that said, you want to invest in a company willing to give you all the looks you desire for the low-low.

Well, look no further and shop at YOINS*. YOINS is an online one stop shop clothing store for all your fashion needs. Whether it’s dresses, tops, tees, shoes, jeans or accessories YOINS is your go to place. Did I mention that this company carries the latest fashion trends?

Whether you desire ladies sweaters for women* for the brutal fall and winter months or are in need of
fashion sexy tops online* for a night out on the town. I highly advise you go give this place a shot and peep my favorite pieces YOINS has to offer below:

Stripe Blouse With Off The Shoulder

Dark Grey Classic Design Loose Plunge Sweater

White Lace Blouse with Hollow Design
Don't be fooled and blow your budget elsewhere!

YOINS will have you like:

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Be sure to follow YOINS on Instagram @yoinscollection and go like their Facebook page @yoinscollections. Don't forget to thank me later!

* Notes that these links and/or products are of affiliate/sponsored links in conjunction with YOINS.